Strategies to save the Union

In front of invited starched bankers do an English emote.
Warn of the wallet-threatening perils of any currency float.

Grumble and peeve about the future's lack of workable plan B's.
Draw charts of the forthcoming Cairngorms of redundancies.

Offer to watch The White Heather Club on an endless repeating jag.
Make the Saltire bigger in a newly redesigned flag.

Maybe ritualistically sacrifice one of the cheaper, minor royals.
Attack any traditional appeals to Pictish blood and soil.

Wheel out whoever's left of the low road's émigré elite,
to deploy celebrity love bombs and despairing #dontgo tweets.

Hit the hysteria max button on the headline-making machine.
Whisper about the welfare from which you'll have to be weaned.

Promise a real, no really real, devolution of power this time.
Say with fingers crossed, we two peoples – honest, we still rhyme.